To my Son,
I want to remember it all
the beginning
the fear, the joy, the pain, and my unconditional love for you
the phone call that changed my life on that July morning
knocked me to my knees
the feeling of shock, sorrow, confusion, and hopelessness
I wondered if you were ok, if I would be ok, what was life going to look like
I prayed
I had faith
and a husband who was strong
The ultrasound tech told us its a boy, I knew in my heart already.
I cried, I smiled, and looked at your Dad and knew everything would be ok
I patiently listened to the doctor
She listed all your imperfections, I sobbed and felt weak.
Your Dad is wise and said that you were our son and that God had a plan
I trusted, I believed, I celebrated you
I baked a cake with blue frosting.
Months went by, doctors visits increased,
your body grew strong and
so did my faith, my marriage, and my love for my family, my close friends
we prayed every night as a family
and I prayed silently in my heart all day
I loved you, I knew you, and we wanted you always. regardless
I didn't sleep much, I would wake up with tears rolling down my cheek
wanting desperately to hold you, touch you, and see you
God calmed my heart, he answered my prayer, I was becoming stronger
I felt free and a sense of peace, I lived in a state of faith
Time went by...
friends and family listened with loving hearts
and I was determined to choose joy every. single. day
you were a blessing, each kick and each movement was a reminder
the doctors were hopeful
they said your heart was healed and you are growing
I was so thankful, praised God for this miracle
I saw your face every week leading up to your arrival
I knew you would look like your Dad
I pray you will be just like him
at 39 weeks and 1 day it was time
surgery was my only option
Protein in places it shouldn't be and high blood pressure sealed the deal
Your dad and I were so excited, so prepared, and loved you so much
your sisters couldn't wait to meet their baby brother
country music played in the operating room, your dad told me he loved me
and then just like that the moment was here,
the moment I had been dreaming about
we were ready
I caught your Dads eyes one final time and I saw trust and unconditional love
we smiled at each other and I truly knew God was with us
God was there
we would be ok
then it happened and I heard the most beautiful (and loud) scream
you were here,
you were Perfect
I could not contain my emotions, I was overjoyed with happiness
I sobbed, I was speechless
It was finally over, you were in my arms.
your father was smiling from ear to ear.
You had hair, you were dark, and had a little dimple on your chin
Absolutely Perfect.
I love you Nash,
I know this is only the beginning
this is part of your story, our families story
but God always has a purpose and we all grew closer to him because of you
Faith, love, and hope
Always Choose Joy.
love,
your Mom
