Nash Matthew Jones

To my Son,

I want to remember it all

the beginning

the fear, the joy, the pain, and my unconditional love for you

the phone call that changed my life on that July morning

 knocked me to my knees

the feeling of shock, sorrow, confusion, and hopelessness

I wondered if you were ok, if I would be ok, what was life going to look like

I prayed

I had faith 

and a husband who was strong

The ultrasound tech told us its a boy, I knew in my heart already.

I cried, I smiled, and looked at your Dad and knew everything would be ok

I patiently listened to the doctor

She listed all your imperfections, I sobbed and felt weak.

Your Dad is wise and said that you were our son and that God had a plan

I trusted, I believed, I celebrated you

I baked a cake with blue frosting.

Months went by, doctors visits increased,

your body grew strong and 

so did my faith, my marriage, and my love for my family, my close friends

we prayed every night as a family

 and I prayed silently in my heart all day

I loved you, I knew you, and we wanted you always. regardless

I didn't sleep much, I would wake up with tears rolling down my cheek

wanting desperately to hold you, touch you, and see you

God calmed my heart, he answered my prayer, I was becoming stronger

I felt free and a sense of peace, I lived in a state of faith

Time went by... 

friends and family listened with loving hearts

and I was determined to choose joy every. single. day

you were a blessing, each kick and each movement was a reminder

the doctors were hopeful

they said your heart was healed and you are growing

I was so thankful, praised God for this miracle

I saw your face every week leading up to your arrival

I knew you would look like your Dad

I pray you will be just like him

at 39 weeks and 1 day it was time

surgery was my only option

Protein in places it shouldn't be and high blood pressure sealed the deal

Your dad and I were so excited, so prepared, and loved you so much

your sisters couldn't wait to meet their baby brother 

country music played in the operating room, your dad told me he loved me

and then just like that the moment was here, 

the moment I had been dreaming about

we were ready

I caught your Dads eyes one final time and I saw trust and unconditional love

we smiled at each other and I truly knew God was with us

God was there

we would be ok

then it happened and I heard the most beautiful (and loud) scream

you were here,  

you were Perfect

I could not contain my emotions, I was overjoyed with happiness

I sobbed, I was speechless

It was finally over, you were in my arms.

your father was smiling from ear to ear.

You had hair, you were dark, and had a little dimple on your chin

Absolutely Perfect.

I love you Nash, 

I know this is only the beginning

this is part of your story, our families story

but God always has a purpose and we all grew closer to him because of you

Faith, love, and hope

Always Choose Joy.

love, 

your Mom